10. Is Pain the Only Way to Discover the Real Me?
Good morning, חברה. We're learning לעילוי נשמת בתיה פייגא בת ישראל and לעילוי נשמת לוי בן יוסף. So we have, we're going to finish today really in עשרת ימי תשובה, the letter from רב אשר, very, very, if you remember, it seems like it was in 5785 when we learned it, so the מוחין are still from last year. So we're bridging into now the התחדשות of the new year.
If you remember, the beginning of this letter that was written in חשוון תשל"ב, which means in like October, November 1971, רב אשר was writing to you and me. Really. He was writing to you and me. And he was telling this איד, but telling us, that there is something that none of us are exempt from.
If you see on דף ט', if you have the ספר, דף ט', רב אשר was saying, the fourth letter, he said there's something that none of us are פטור from. And what is that? The מלחמת מידות. The מלחמת מידות, the fact that the war, the constant struggle in our in our life, in our souls, not in our souls, but in our, I guess in a lower level of the soul, in our being is constant. It's constant.
What's constant? That there's always going to be ups and downs, and the שאלה is that when you're way up there really high, and when you're way down there really low, are you able to ask the same question? That's a deep ענין. Can you ask the same question? And what is the question? What is the, what is the תכלית of my life when I'm flying? What is the תכלית of my life when I'm so low? This is also why we, we have a concept of saying, you know, when you're, when you're feeling so high and so good, don't get too excited because that's not going to last. And okay, but can we say the same thing when things are so שוואך? One of the reasons when people are caught in serious bouts of depression, I'm not talking about clinical, I'm not I'm not talking about like severe medical situations, I'm saying just basic things that you and I go through all the time, one of the things about the, like that bring on anxiety and panic and all these things is that it seems, it seems like it's never going to end. You don't see a way out of this.
When you're flying high, you don't have that ענין. Oh my God, it seems like it's, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to adapt to this new reality because it seems like it's going to last forever. No one, no one goes through that when you're flying high.
When you're in the pits, yes you do. You are. You that that you you you get stuck in this place of I don't know if this is ever going to stop. I don't know if this, this, this, this מעגל, like I'm in the, I'm in the כיכר.
I'm making another circle, making another circle. Oh, I think I can get out here. No, there's a block there. I can't get out.
There's a cop there. He's standing, said there's no entrance here. Okay, so I'll do the another, the next, no, there's another cop. No, now there's three kids playing hopscotch, or whatever it is, on hopscotch.
Who plays hopscotch and then not only in ארץ ישראל, in the world, people to play hopscotch? No, because everyone's on, you know. But there was a time when kids actually played on the street. On שבת. And שבת.
Oh, on שבת they play hopscotch. I don't know about that.During those, during those bouts is הרב רושע is basically saying to this guy, he's saying, I know you're looking at your house and you're looking at the way that everything is conducted in your house, and you're so צוברוכן about what became of the home. You're so sad about מנהגים that have become forgotten and new מנהגים of torture that seem to be the הרגיל of how things are, how things are working out in your house. And הרב רושע says you have to understand, it is דוקא at those times.
It is דוקא at those times where the שאלות have to come up because there's there's a gift there waiting for you if you have enough guts to ask השם at that moment, not למה but rather what? What do we always say?
למה. למה, not למה, אלא למה. For what is this? For what is this?So at the end of what we learned, הרב רושע was saying to this person who must have been explaining about talking about שלום בית issues, he was saying that when a person goes into the סדר עבודה that he has to do and the to discover the תכלית of his life, that'll bring about a real awakening of the תיקון הנפש that our whole life is dependent on it. And something amazing will be shining and radiating from your soul upon all that are around you.
And that's a very big ענין as well. I was, it's interesting that this came up in the women's שיעור. Listen to this געוואלד ווארט.What do you guys, what's your כוונה when you sing to your wife, לא תירא לביתה משלג. You say it every week so, you know, you I'm sure you have different כוונות every week, something comes up, right? What? Anybody? I'm too cold.
Just skip it on to the פסוק. Right, you think it's just easier, right? Shouldn't be any cooling off in the house, you know, it should be a warm home.
לא תירא לביתה משלג. So שלג is, that's actually a קליפה, one of the names of עמלק.
לא תירא לביתה משלג. Why? Because עמלק is אשר קרך בדרך. So לא תירא לביתה משלג, the woman has the ability, she has this amazing, we're reminding her, you have the ability to not get cooled off by the warmth that's in your heart for just being an ערליכע איד.
לא תירא לביתה משלג.
So you have no fear, woman, you have no fear from שלג, from that קליפה that usually cools off a lot of the men. That's not your זאך. You stay with your warm passionate fire. But the ווארט was, the ביאלי רבי said לא תירא לביתה משלג כי כל ביתה לבוש שנים.
Meaning, that ability that a woman has to not get cooled off the way we get cooled off quite often is משפיע on the whole home.
לא תירא לביתה משלג כי כל ביתה לבוש שנים because then she she clothes, she clothes her whole, the whole home with with a שנים, with with like wool, with with with proper בגד, meaning everyone stays warm.הרב רושע is saying, if you could master the art of not freaking out when it seems like it ain't stopping, and you ask the questions for what is this, you're משפיע on your whole home. And you won't even imagine that how much so many of the problems that you have about why is it like this in this house, but you ask yourself for what am I going through this, that is משפיע on the whole home. So a lot of your שאלות, הרב רושע is saying, they may not be valid once you adapt this עבודה into your life of acknowledging.
Yes, ראש השנה began 5786, געוואלד, but I'm sure that a whole world of מגילות have happened to each person since ראש השנה. We've had a few days of non ראש השנה. There's already so much in the air and so many different emotions that are coming out. The question is, do you believe enough that if you have enough כח to ask the רבונו של עולם באמת מאין כן נשמתך, what is this I have to go through דוקא now? How that could really משפיע like a woman's השפעה is from לא תירא לביתה משלג, that your השפעה is the same thing if you're bold enough to ask the questions, but הרב רושע is gonna give us today a little א שטיקל of how, how do you do this? Not just easier said than done, but today it's more an ענין of how do I approach this day in my life, this constant war in my life, this constant struggle in my life.
So, חבר'ה, we've already learned this. There's two types of wars that happen to us. There's the war of בהעלותך and there's the war of כי תצא. Do you remember this? The war in פרשת בהעלותך it says, והיה כי יבוא עליך כל הצרות האלה, and then like, it's basically, you realize, oh my God, I'm getting attacked from everywhere, and then what do you have to do?
ותקעתם בחצוצרות.כי תצא, and then you go to כי תצא.
כי תצא למלחמה על אויבך. What's the difference between the two? That in כי תצא למלחמה על אויבך, השם says, just go out to war, ונתנו השם אלוקיך בידך. What's the difference is that בהעלותך is October 7th.
בהעלותך is October 7th.
You're sitting there, you're wondering, how could this have been? A יהודי has to be a כי תצא. I'm going out and preempting. I'm preempting. That's why we've spoken about this a lot in the רב גינסבורג שיעורים.
In English, the letters have to change. In Hebrew, they don't. But IDF, the letter D is very problematic. In Hebrew, the ה' could stay, because what we have to do is change it from צבא הגנה לישראל to צבא התקפה לישראל.
But the Israel defense forces, is that, can you imagine? Like someone establishes sovereignty, and they basically say, and our protection is that we're going to always just when you try to attack us, we'll defend ourselves. Trump changed it from the Secretary of Defense to the Secretary of War. From that, from that תורה? I don't know if it was in the תורה, but it's... No no, what I mean is from that...
not from תורה. What I mean is from that... Yeah, from that from that... Didn't the רב say about the חולים?
ובית רפואה.
Yeah, yeah, it's the same... Language is everything. It really is. Anyway, listen, today, let's just hope there's a מרדכי יהודי in the White House that that comes to אחשוורוש today and reminds him something.
Like, I don't know, holds up the holds up his אייניקל in front of him and saying, you think that you know, just to put something in front of his face, in אחשוורוש's face, and who knows, you know, what what will happen. It should be an עת רצון today.
אמן.So, the רב, so רב אשר is today going to tell us, okay so, so how do I, how do I, how do I become a פרשת כי תצא Jew and not a פרשת בהעלותך Jew? That's how I'm approaching this. So on your the page in front of you, דף י', כדי להגיע לסדר העבודה הזאת, to live like this.
To live like this means living a life that I discover what the תיקון of my נפש is through moments of pain and hardship.
כדי להגיע לסדר העבודה הזאת, צריכים כל יום לחזק את עצמנו ואפילו כמה פעמים ביום. Every day we have to strengthen ourselves and sometimes a number of times throughout the day.
וכל יום צריכים כמעט להתחיל מחדש בלי להתייאש כלל משום קושי ומכשול.
Every day you gotta start anew without despairing from any hardship and any stumbling block that's in front of you. Why?
כי כך הם טבעם של חיי אמונה. If you say that you're an אמונה'דיקע יוד, that does not mean that if I have an אמונה, things shouldn't be so hard. You hear?
חיי אמונה means, I'm up for anything.
I'd rather it not be so hard. I'm not inviting hardship into my life. But in the פנימיות of it, טבעם של חיי אמונה. This is the nature of someone that lives a life of אמונה.
שמי שהולך בהם, that if you walk on this path of saying חיי אמונה, this is my life, סופו בוודאי שיגיע אל תכלית הטוב והשלמה, you will, you are destined to reach the place where the תכלית of complete and total good is ready and prepared for you from השם from before you were even a rumor, right?
שיגיע אל תכלית הטוב והשלמה המוכנת ומזומנת מעת השם יתברך לכל עבדיו הנאמנים. This is a place, this is a portion that is prepared and that has been designated for all of his faithful servants, ואז אשרי חלקו בזה ובבא. And then, what does it mean? What does it mean בזה ובבא? This world and the next world.
אשרי חלקו בזה ובבא.
אשרי חלקו. Now the hard part over here is what?
ריבונו של עולם, are you telling me? I mean, basically saying, רב אשר, are you telling me that I could conquer today the most amazing, amazing achievements, I could have the most amazing achievements... in my חיים and you want to tell me that tomorrow may be a completely different זאך? And then you, is that what, is that what you're telling me? And רבש"ע is saying like this. But but look at me.
He's saying like this. Yeah. Yeah. Not...
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
And yes, you you do want to punch רבש"ע. I think you, I mean I don't know, Eli, if you ever, Eli, did you ever want to punch him? A חס ושלום, but you... I I had moments that was very tempting. You know, you're saying, but the way, the way the צדיק says yes, means it's worthwhile.
The way the צדיק explains it and the way the צדיק says yes, is that it's worthwhile. And then he says, but when he says, when that's your life, אשריך חלקו בזה ובבא, it doesn't just mean good things are waiting for you in the world to come, and that's an important זאך. That means your experience of life here, here, is a completely totally, totally elated and transformative experience of going through life. No one here is not going to have pain this year.
הלוואי you won't, but it's not, that's not what this world is all about. However, no one in here is פטור from asking השם the שיילע of למאי when he's in. That that that's the ענין. No one's פטור from asking השם the question of for what is this right now that I, what is, what is the meaning behind this and what are you really trying to tell me, השם? Because as much as I've sworn to you, hey, if this doesn't work, we're done, I'm always back.
He's also saying חיים is a long, it's a, it could be a long path. He says בסופו בוודאי. Like, it's not daily, it could be, it could be years that we're...
נכון.
It's the, it בסופו, but בסופו doesn't mean the end of your life.
סופו I I interpret it to mean at the end of every סיבוב of this, it it becomes more ingrained in me, oh, this is something bigger is happening over here. But sometimes those bouts are much longer than just a day. But it doesn't just, I don't think it only means סופו, at the end, like right before you die, like the אישביצער was saying this שבת about, right? Right before you die, then there's שלמות.
Right, שלמות האמיתית. No, it it doesn't have to be like that. Yeah, Eli? He's also providing a counterweight, because what what happens is when you're looking at this bleak future, you don't know what it's gonna be, you just know it's gonna be bad. Right.
He's saying, no, it's not gonna be bad. Understand that it's gonna be good in the end. And so with that, now you can go forward. Right.
אמן.
אמן. Now, והנני לבקש מאת, what's this? Do you know, Eli? I'm sorry.
והנני לבקש מאת...
Do you have it by you written out? Yeah yeah yeah. No, it's a it's a slightly, yeah.
והנני לבקש מאת, um...
מעלת כבודכם.
מעלת כבודכם. Thank you. From, from, from, כאילו, he's he's addressing now the husband and the wife, but in in, you know, in ישיבה'ש, it's a very funny thing. You don't, like if you see someone on the street, they never say מה שלומך?
מה שלומכם?
מה שלום כבודו? No, no, but the double, like the, the, the לשון רבים.
מה שלומכם?
איך אתם? I don't know, is it just, just me over here? No, no, it's always, no, no, it's a, it's a לשון, no, no, it's beautiful. It's a, it's a גילוי not referring to someone directly. It's like, it's nice. It's a כבוד'דיגע way of of saying.
Yeah, you never know? Israelis are big on that. Yeah, asking how's your whole family doing? How's...
כאילו, but it really, yeah.
איך אתם?
מה שלומכם? Right?
והנני לבקש מאת מעלת כבודכם.
Right, because then he goes to a singular now.
שיחזק את עצמו מאוד. Right? Strengthen yourself very much ולא ידאג כלל. Stop tripping, stop worrying every second.
ובכך גם ירגיע את בני ביתו שיחיו. Wow, what an עבודה I have. This is ממש, I don't know about you guys, this is for me. You know, I can come in, I could walk into home with all the burdens and all the worries of things here and thinking that that's like a holy עבודה, you know, like look at me, I'm so immersed.
And meanwhile, it's can be משפיע on everyone in the house. Just my facial expression. That's the point.
כי אין מקום לדאגה, אבל יש מקום לתפילה.
I want to tell you an amazing, amazing thing. This line strikes a deep chord. Deep chord. Again, אין מקום לדאגה, אבל יש מקום לתפילה ותחנונים לפני שומע תפילת כל פה, הממלא משאלות לב בני ישראל.
כמו שנאמר קרוב השם לכל קוראיו.
לכל אשר יקראוהו באמת. This is a very deep thing and I'll try to give it over to you with the experience that I had. Do you guys remember my buddy, משה?
משה גלר, עליו השלום.
I've mentioned his name many times. He was נפטר about a year and a half ago.
רב רז was referenced him last night too.
נפתלי, did you ever meet משה over the years? Yeah, I think you did.
First, yeah.Now he's saying a funny thing.
משה lived with me in my caravan in a מפתר for a few years in the ישיבה. And one day my ראש ישיבה, you have to understand, משה was much, is much older than us and he was ממש, a נשמה that that was very hard for him to be in this world. Very hard.
His father was the head of placements of YU, Dr. Victor Victor Geller, and he was the complete opposite of head of placements of YU, in terms of complete opposite. He, he met רב שלמה when he was like six years old, but then he then he toured with the dead for years and all different גלגולים. He also knew my mother, they were waiters in the same cafe in the 70s and and then the first time I met him, he he just came down from a rainbow gathering from Santa Cruz and he came down to L.A. And I was I was starting to meet all these trippers.
I was 16. I'm meeting all these חברה, I'm like, oh my God, this is so cool. But this is so foreign to me, but he was the one of the few that I actually could relate to on a certain level because he came from the same type of world that I came from. Hershey, you remember משה?So, first time I met him and he's saying all these stories about what just happened in Rainbow, the rainbow, the hippie gathering up in I think it was in Santa Cruz that year, and all these stories about רב שלמה.
And then my buddy Stuie tells משה, he said, his father's the cantor, the חזן of the שול here, בית יעקב. And he says, what's your what's your father's name? I said, אבשלום קץ. And he starts to ball, cry. Now he also cried sometimes when you asked him to pass the salt.
There was always, באמת. I mean, I one time caught him balling from an episode of West Wing, באמת. I walked into my caravan, he was cooking. Anyway, what are the, whatever.
So, he started crying, crying, crying. And I'm wondering what is it? And he starts to he starts to do my אבא'ס נוסח of ראש השנה יום כיפור, the way my father did it. He said, what is this? He says, Young Israel of of of Forest Hills, 1975. Your אבא was brought to lead the second מנין downstairs in the Young Israel, and that's where my father sent me to דאווענען.
And I'll never forget your אבא'ס קדיש for the rest of my life. That was my that was my, right? It was so that's why I think we were we were beyond close. And it's the only time in my life I ever sat down to write a הספד for his funeral because I felt like it was something I really wanted to give. I'll share with you the הספד that I wrote.
It was very, came from a very deep place. We spent a lot, a lot of time together, and he's very close to me, my whole family. He's also very, very close to פסח, פסח Rothberg. They were very, very, very tight.
Anyway, משה, the first תורה I ever heard him say is what רב בשר just said. It was Friday night. And he said, חברה, the זוהר הקדוש says the following, concern is מותר, worry is evil. It's the first thing I ever heard him say.
Worrying is evil. Concerned is okay. But to be worried is evil.He didn't explain it, but I, obviously it's 30 years later, I remember what he's, you know, I remember what he said. It strikes a very deep it struck a very deep chord in me.
רב בשר is saying something similar. He's saying over here, אין מקום לדאגה, worrying. That's not a, that's basically not a really a Jewish concept. So then you say, oh if I don't have to worry, then that means everything's okay.
No, it doesn't mean everything's okay. It just means that the approach to the everything's not okay is not, doesn't שוה, doesn't equal worrying. What does it שוה?
דאווענען, עת רצון. So we see things in life that we know are not the way we want it to be.
Our natural gravitation towards worry is not the answer. Because worrying, דאגה מביא דאגה, you ever heard of that concept there? Worry brings worry. Worry doesn't bring, no one's after a worry, oh, it's okay, I worried. Everything's gonna be okay, I just worried a little bit.
It doesn't, that's not it either.
אלא מה? If there's something that your natural tendency says to you, I got to go get worried. stop for a second and plug it into תפילה. Now that, I want to tell you, is a transformative experience.
If you could catch yourselves today about one thing that you catch yourself going, going immediately to worry, and you you stop it right there and say, Okay, that's just going to bring more worry. Can I דאווענען over this? You'll see, you'll see every, I think everything that רב אושר has been telling us right now. And that's why again… What's the Hebrew word for concern? I was literally going to ask the same question. What's the healthy version of, I'm saying? Honestly, תפילה.
Meaning, meaning, I think that what he meant was like being, how do you express concern?
תפילה. Worry is anxiety, worry doesn't enable you to really דאווענען with any ישוב הדעת. In in modern Hebrew concern is אכפת. Worry is דאגה, concerned is like a… חושש.
Suspicious. Not חושש, not חושש. I don't know if there is one. I don't know.
What do you think?
להתעניין? אה?
לידאג? No, לידאג, דאגה means worry.
העבר, you remember what חז"ל say?
העבר אין והעתיד עדיין וההווה כהרף עין, means העבר, the past doesn't exist, the future isn't here anymore, וההווה and the present is passing by by a flash.
דאגה מנין? So, so what what what are you worried about? Yeah, משה.
זה משהו מאיק עליך, יש לך מועקה.
מועקה is a is probably the, yeah, thank you, it's probably the closest word.
מאיק, concern, yeah, yeah.
אכפתיות? אכפתיות, yeah. But the the point over here is not really what משה was saying, it's what רב אושר is saying, just reminded me of it, but that on a, if we want to walk out of this שיעור and saying, okay, I know what he told this guy, but what am I taking this, what am I taking into my life? It's this very important נקודה that I wanted us to get to today.
Of course you have to, of course we're going to naturally worry about things. Worry is doesn't doesn't bring about anything. Worry just is משפיע on the rest of the household. You walk in with a face, eyes of worry, you, everyone starts worrying even more.
What's wrong? No, no, no, I'm just concerned. No, you're not. If you're just concerned, you wouldn't look like this. What's wrong with you? I'm I'm I'm fine.
I just freaked out, I'm freaked out from you.I talk a lot about with my employees that this is, I think exactly this, obviously a different different level, but… Just talk a little bit louder, the people in the back can't hear you. People at work, like workers or employees will call and say, there's a problem. And I always say to them, there is no problem, there's a temporary problem. So it's the same idea.
It's like there there's something that's going on that I don't like, I'm not stuck there. Right. It's a temporary problem. We're going to solve it.
This is going to… נכון. get worked out. It's a game changer in terms of the way that you approach it. 100%.
Yeah, Tom.Someone told me once that worrying is like paying taxes on something that you didn't buy yet.Tommy O for the win.
יש. Very, very שייך over here.If, if you don't have a relationship with השם and if you're not working on your relationship with השם, do you think maybe then you have something to worry about? Because I was like, you know, I, thank God, like I, you know, I have pretty decent אמונה, but then at times I've caught myself saying like, I can't just keep telling myself I have אמונה if I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Can I really rely that השם is going to take care of everything?Well, he says here what he defines what the חיות האמונה is, though.
You could say, I have אמונה, and then in times of distraught, if you don't ask yourself the questions of, השם, I sincerely want to know for what is this happening, I hate to break it to you and to us and to everybody, you don't really have אמונה. You're just פרום.No, but let's say you're not being so פרום, could you, could you still say you have אמונה? Because it kind of goes against, meaning like you believe השם is going to take care of you and everything and this, but if you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing, is he going to really be taking care of you?Yeah, meaning, of course, of course, there's no… yes. This this is not a book of פטור. This is not a book of exemptions.
On the contrary, what I get here is דוקא more עבודה than most ספרים have have pushed me personally towards. Should you be worried? You should be… I I don't know who, I can't tell anybody if they should be worried or shouldn't be worried. Who what צדיק said, I'm not scared of anyone, but I'm petrified of someone that's not scared of God. because that person is taking themselves completely outside of חיים טבעיים אמוניים, you're in a completely different world.
And when that's your set of logic, you'll come out and you don't know what's about to erupt. Right? Okay, let's continue on the bottom over here. I know this is bringing up a lot of delicate stuff, but this is, you already know, we've been learning this for a few months.
בכל הייסורים והכאבים שאדם עובר on the bottom right column, בכל הייסורים והכאבים שאדם עובר על אדמות החול מכוון ומצורף, צירוף אחר צירוף, כדי לעורר את האדם על תכלית עולמו.
Every affliction and pain and hardship that a person has to go through in this world is all divinely, perfectly set up.
צירוף אחר צירוף, combination after combination, to awaken a person to reach their תכלית in this world.
כדי שיתחיל לעבוד למען טובתו הנצחית, so that you start working towards your eternal good.
שהיא, שהוא הדביקות בו יתברך, to bring you to a state of דביקות, שאינה נקנית אלא על ידי ייסורים המקשרים אותו לבוראו, which is only acquired through ייסורים, afflictions, that connect you to your בורא.
Now, this is where a lot of people have the biggest trouble with. This is actually the נקודה that most people have the biggest, biggest struggle with. Why does it have to be like that? Well, we just said before, עונג, flying high, does not bring you to it. That's the טבע.
When you're rolling in dough, things are fine, healthy baby after healthy baby. Love your שבת table, friendships, parties, good parties. I'm not even talking about שטויות, שמוץ. I'm saying good, good vibes, good קדושה.
It's all good. It's all good. Never lead to a person to ask the שאלה, for what exactly am I experiencing all of this? That's not where people are at when when the טוב comes in. Now, why not? It's not our nature.
Now, who created our nature?
ריבונו של עולם. You don't ask these questions that lead you towards your תכלית through flying high. This is not how it works in this world.
אלא מהי, what generally a person says, I woke up, and he has such a great story.
Well, if you woke up, that means where were you a second before? You were sleeping. What wakes you up? What experience usually wakes a person up? Think about your own lives, what woke you up? Nightmares. A nightmare. An inner siren.
Are you saying there's a siren now? No, no. Oh, just yeah. General siren.
כי על ידי כך, second column, left column, כי על ידי כך הוא לומד לדעת את אפסותו.
This is the best. Do you know what this word means? It's only through this that you learn what? That you're nothing.
אפסותו. Your אפסness.
Your אפסness. I've never seen you get so excited. Because I know, no, because it's a סוגיה, it's like this is it. This is what it's all about.
This whole thing reminds me of the בעל שם טוב's teaching on שיויתי השם לנגדי תמיד. Yeah. The idea is that if when you're too high or too low, it's not about that, שיויתי, שווה, it's equal. Equanimity, our favorite word, makes us sound smart, equanimity.
השתוות. Yes, נכון, שיויתי.
שיויתי השם לנגדי תמיד.
נכון.
You have השם, you're nothing. So that's the idea. It's unbelievable. This is exactly it, Andrew.
אפסי, this is, I don't learn about my אפסיות when I'm flying high or when I'm the mac daddy. That's not when I learn that I'm an אפס.
הפוך. Look at, השם, תראה מי יש לך.
וואי, וואי, וואי.
השם, you were smart. It's a good decision to give it through me. Look how I'm helping everybody.
The אפסיות of you is never something that comes to life through the שפע of goodness. This, through this, this exercise, you know, we have we have some big I see this both in חב"ד and both and also in ברסלב, it it expresses itself very differently. But this ענין of ביטול that a real חסיד has, especially in לובאוויטש, let's say, true אלול time.
לובאוויטש'ערס, אלול and תשרי, they have a different look in their eyes.
It's a very interesting thing. The real, but you know, in לובאוויטש, the real ones, they call them קבלת עול'ניקים. That's how they refer to them. I remember I was on a plane once with Avraham Fried, and I just, one of my students from the ישיבה I was teaching at said his grandfather, Gorodetsky, was one of these big מסירות נפש'דיקער לובאוויטש'ערס by the פרידיקער רבי and by the רבי.
So he gave me a book of his, and I pulled out the book. I said, look look at this ספר, look at this this story I'm, I'm reading right now. And you probably knew him. He says, oh, that ר' בנימין, an אמת'דיקער קבלת עול'ניק.
אמת'דיקער קבלת עול'ניק.
קבלת עול, right? The אידן that were like, they were like in a constant state of שמע ישראל. That's what שמע is, like קבלת עול. In ברסלב, you have צדיקים in ברסלב that worked their whole lives to master the art of being an אפס.
Not but not the way that we usually translate it, master the art of being a nothing. When in the world that we live in, suppression leads you, you think, you think, okay, the whole point is, let me see how I can neglect every part of me, and then I can become a ממש a nothing. And in חסידות it's the opposite. Let me מקדש every part of me.
Let me sanctify every single piece of me in order to realize that anything that's real is only you and not me.Like you had people in ברסלב from the previous generation, ר' יצחק בנדר, ר' שמואל שפירא, probably ר' הערש לייבל, other other of the greats, and they at their funerals almost all had the same הספד by their רבצינס, if they outlived their רבצין. And the הספד was always like, שמואל, לוי יצחק, this is basically what you were, what you were working for your whole life. This is what you're working for your whole life.
כאילו אפס.
And these were big צדיקים. My brother-in-law Yehuda Leimanekman, when he went every ראש השנה to הר המנוחות, he showed me some pictures of the קברי צדיקים. Maybe he went to הר הזיתים, I think. I think he went to both.
Anyway, he went to the קבר of ר' אברהם שטרנהרץ. I mentioned his name in שול a few weeks ago. He's one of ר' נתן's great-grandsons. He was a leading ברסלב'ער figure here in ארץ ישראל in the fifties and sixties.
And it says, he has one thing written on his, on his ציון. One thing.
פה נטמן, ברסלבר חסיד.
אלה עלי.
כן. And even that's like a כאילו, אפסיות. Like, ר' אשר is saying, the only way to discover the אפסיות, but in a, in a beautiful way, not not in a demonic, crazy minyan, but in the most gorgeous way, is through this. And then you, things become clear to you.
Look at the second line. I'm gonna run through the the next, the next paragraph.
וּמִבְּהֵילָא what becomes clear to you?
שאין לו שום אחיזה ויסוד של קיום של טבע במצר שלו. You're not holding on to anything.
In this world, in this island of the narrowness that you found yourself in, there's nothing you're really holding on to. Not nothing of it is even real. It feels real because you keep on feeling yourself. But in the אמת of it, none of this is real either.
ואז כשהאדם אינו מתייאש, and then when you don't despair, which means, היינו שמתחזק באמונה לבלי תת ליסוד היאוש. It means I strengthen myself with אמונה, I don't give the foundation of despair, שהוא יסוד הגאוה, despairing is actually גאוה, it's rooted in גאוה like we learned so many times. I don't let that be a שליט עליו. That doesn't control me at all.
וממעמקים, from the deepest depths, הוא קורא לבחינת הרחמים. From that place, you're calling out for mercy.
או אז, what happens then?
מתגלה עליו אור אין סוף של האמונה. The eternal light of אמונה comes shining upon you לדעת חוקותיה וצפונותיה.
To know its, what who is he referring to when he says the חוקים and צפונותיה? That means its hidden mysteries, like צפון, right? Of what? Of life.
אודך כי עניתני. It's good that you came in.
אודך כי עניתני.
ומתמלא שמחה אמיתית. And you have so much שמחה.
על גילוי האמונה עליו כי קיבל מושג מה מהחיים שלו, like you just said Evy, טוב לי כי עוניתי למען אלמד חוקיך. David המלך המשיח says, it's good that I got tortured here.
Why? Because this is how I learn your חוקים. Through the the the torture wasn't לשם torture. Despair becomes from a place of I'm being tortured לשם being tortured. It's not a God we believe in.
לא בכלל לא.
טוב לי כי עוניתי למען אלמד חוקיך. So that I become someone that learns about life, about how you set up this world.
לפיכך, he ends off here.
אני חוזר ומבקש ממנו, I'm asking שיאסוף כל כוחות נפשו. Gather all the כוח of your נפש, וכגיבור, and like a hero, יחגור חרבו. Go and take your sword ללחום את מלחמת המצווה, to go and fight the מלחמת מצווה, which is what?
מלחמה להשם בעמלק.
אשר לכל אחד נכון עמלק פרטי.
Everyone has their own, when the Torah says, זכור את אשר עשה לך עמלק. Of course that means as we see right now, that's שייך on a national level. But all the מצוות that are שייך to the כלל are also שייך in the פרט.
אה? בלא ספק.
Everyone has that. Everyone has their own thing.
אשר רק הוא חייב למחות אותו ואת זכרו ונמח זכרו מלהזכירו.
וכשאדם מתחיל את המלחמה, ah, but if you are the one that wages the war, you preempt the strike.
Not that you wait for your life to be clobbered by it, but if you are the one that does it first.
וכשאדם מתחיל את המלחמה, הקדוש ברוך הוא מיד בא אליו לעזרו.
השם comes and helps you immediately, כי יד על כס יה.
על כן יתחיל נא ותמיד, דרכי הצדיקים, רק להתחיל, ללא לאות וללא עייפות.
The דרך of a צדיק means there's no tiredness. It doesn't stop, it's no tiredness.
והשם הטוב ישפיע עליו רחמים ויזכה לראות ישועות ונפלאות, אמן כן יהי רצון to all of us here בעזרת השם.
יישר כוח everybody.
